Anxiety, on the other hand, is turning out to be a consistent pathway towards a strong felt-need to have sexual release. Anxiety, combined with not having had much sexual release, turns my groin into a time bomb.
tick... tick... tick...I remember in school when I used to write tests that I was going to flunk. I could bring myself to an orgasm within minutes before the class bell rang and I had to hand up the test. The emotional tension combined with a bit of physical pressure worked like a charm every time.
Last week, the prospect of meeting someone I didn't want to meet caused me to objectify him sexually. I fought the urge and didn't succumb to that temptation. Upon meeting him, the entire "attraction" dissipated. I don't have the slightest desire to fantasize about him sexually now. Looking back, I realize that I was afraid of him at some deeper level, and that anxious feeling wanted to be addressed through sexual release.
Now, I'm grappling with serious work deadlines. This entire morning has been fraught with desires to masturbate, to fantasize (even about women), to look at porn.
This is clearly a sexual dysfunction.
Anxiety is anxiety. The years of getting tension-relief through masturbation have created in me unhealthy, dysfunctional, unholy pathways.
Scripture tells me not to lust sexually (Matthew 5:28). It also tells me to cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). Put these two ideas together and the solution is obvious.
I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet
And anytime I don't know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You
3 comments:
I've found cutting out caffeine and exercising regularly to be very helpful in not acting out sexually in order to alleviate anxiety.
I sure agree with you that the years of getting tension-relief through the big M, as someone has put it, is one difficult thing to break. If it was something like hitting myself over the head with a plank that I had done then that would be easy to break but something that feels physically pleasurable is another issue. Only casting our cares on Him, repeatedly, is the solution. Praying for you, precious friend, that each day God will give you victories, joyous victories.
AC: Exercising is something I do regularly. Cutting out caffeine feels like pulling teeth. ;-)
Stan: Thank you for your prayers, friend.
Post a Comment